Monday 19 December 2011

Dash’s 12 Days of Christmas


On the first day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
a poo underneath a park tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
two pigs’ ears … and a poo underneath a park tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
three tail-wags … two pigs’ ears, and a poo underneath a park tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
four tattered toys … three tail-wags, two pigs’ ears, etc.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
five cold licks … four tattered toys, three tail-wags, etc.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
six garden sprints … five cold licks, four tattered toys, etc.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
seven yelps at breakfast … six garden sprints, etc.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my greyhounds (if I had two) would give to me
eight legs-a-roaching … seven yelps at breakfast, etc.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
nine whiffs of dog-breath … eight legs-a-roaching, etc. 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
ten rotten teeth … nine whiffs of dog-breath, etc.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
eleven nosey nudges … ten rotten teeth, etc.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me
twelve whines at midnight … eleven nosey nudges, etc.

Happy Hound-filled Christmas from Dash: Bitch of the Year!

Friday 30 September 2011

Thirteenth time (un)lucky

Our thirteenth event of the season was a sponsored walk for Greyhound Rescue West of England (www.grwe.com). It took place in the leafy and lovely surroundings of Westonbirt Arboretum in Gloucestershire. Unfortunately, we got there too late to blow the starting whistle, but a good time was had by all. Since it’s probably the last (outdoor) event we’ll attend this year, I’ve decided to suspend the blog until something INCREDIBLE happens. I’ll sign off with a fun summary of a typical day on the book promo trail:

  1. Set off for dog event with the car crammed with boxes of books, display stands, leads x2, collars x2, dog-coats x2, cash float, water bottle and bowl, treats. Already late.
  2. Promptly turn round and return home. Have forgotten Dash.
  3. Set off again. Sudden downpour and standstill traffic.
  4. Sat-nav announces our destination. Looks like a lay-by halfway down a country lane. It is a lay-by halfway down a country lane. Call the organizer for proper directions and apologize for lateness.
  5. Finally arrive at correct destination. Run to appointed meeting point, loaded up with books, etc. and Dash charging along beside me.
  6. Slip and fall over, scattering books everywhere. Dash takes advantage of diversion and scarpers, trailing the lead behind her.
  7. Pick myself up, wipe down books and thank kind person who has apprehended Dash. Dash looks very pleased with herself.
  8. Meet the organizer. They are surprised at (a) how small Dash is and, (b) how skinny and bald I am.
  9. Discover I’ve been given table next to PA system since ‘nice and prominent’. Fasten Dash to table and set up book display.
  10. Change Dash into kit – gold-fringed red velvet coat emblazoned with the legend: ‘DASH – Bitch of the Year’, and matching lead and collar. Finishing touch is a black flower which adorns collar.
  11. Meet some charming people and their hounds, but conversation consists of shouting in each other’s ears because of proximity to PA system.
  12. Sell and sign books. Carefully check spelling of each person’s name. Misspell someone’s name since three people are talking to me at once, and Dash is trying to pickpocket them for treats.
  13. Dash is given strokes and treats galore. Fans pose for their photo with her. Someone asks me, ‘Are you the handler?’
  14. Need the toilet, but can’t leave Dash unattended. Wonder if I could do it discreetly behind the table – seems to work for Dash. Decide to cross my legs.
  15. Read from book to assembled crowd. PA chooses to pack up at that precise moment. Am given a megaphone instead. Now have megaphone in one hand, book in the other, and Dash’s lead trapped under one foot.
  16. Judge a category in fun dog show. Discover I’ve been given one of ‘low-risk’ categories, e.g. ‘Waggiest Tail’ or ‘Most Melting Expression’. About to present rosettes when heavens open. Everyone runs for cover.
  17. Crowd thins out, so decide to take a wander and look at some other stalls. Dash steals sausage roll which someone put down for a nanosecond. Spend the day’s profit from book sales on accessories and toys for Dash.
  18. Thank the organizer, load the stuff (and Dash) in the car and set off for home. Car breaks down after three miles and end up getting towed home. Arrive at midnight.
  19. Declare that’s the last event we’re going to do EVER.
  20. Receive invite for another event the next day. Agree to do it without hesitation.

Friday 16 September 2011

Dash and Celia Cross - Part 2


You’ll be heartened to hear that the greyhound pictured in the previous post (‘Droopy’) is now a lot happier in the care of Celia Cross Greyhound Trust. As are his fellow rescuees from the abandoned kennel of a local greyhound trainer. Although out of the kennels, they’re not yet ‘out of the woods’, and are still waiting for adopters to welcome them into forever homes. In the interim, the wonderful people of Burgess Pet Care have sent no less than ONE HUNDRED sacks of their Supadog Greyhound & Lurcher food to Celia Cross. Dash and I met the marketing boss, Naomi, at the Cranleigh Show (see photo above). Burgess were the official sponsor of the launch of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’ and are supporting rescue organizations in a number of ways, one of which is the Greyhound & Lurcher Fund. For every 12.5kg sack of food sold, 20p goes into the coffers. You can imagine this makes for a pretty tidy sum, and now is the time of year when the fund is awarded to an independent greyhound & lurcher rescue centre. If that’s you, or an organization you belong to, then applications should be submitted to consumercare@burgesspetcare.co.uk. As for the Cranleigh Show, well, despite the torrential rain, £17K (at the last count) was raised by Celia Cross. Some folk are just indefatigable in their desire to help.

Friday 9 September 2011

Dash and Celia Cross - Part 1


Last Sunday, Dash and I were special guests of the Celia Cross Greyhound Trust at their Annual Charity Sale & Show in Cranleigh, Surrey. Despite the rain (almost continuous), we had a great time. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about what happened a month earlier, when volunteers from Celia Cross entered the abandoned kennel of a local greyhound trainer. It turns out he’d been arrested for growing cannabis, then skipped bail and fled the country. Fellow trainers had already ‘rescued’ those dogs that could still race, but sixteen greyhounds that were retired or injured had been left to fend for themselves. We all know that dogs are smart; dogs can do tricks. But they can’t clean their own excrement off the floor or change soiled bedding. And they can’t find food if it’s not there. Just look at the poor beast in the photo above. Black with a white chest, just like Dash. But Dash doesn’t sleep in a 2x4-metre cell with the ceiling about to cave in. You can see the fear in the eyes. Awful. OK, worse things have happened, and dogs aren’t people. But dogs trust us, and the worst thing someone can do is abuse that trust. If you think you can help the CCGT in any way – by donating money or food, or even adopting one of these greyhounds so desperately in need – then get in touch. It only takes a click: http://www.celiacross.org.uk/

Tuesday 16 August 2011

Dash and the Dogs Trust


Where better to take a dog for a walk than the ‘Garden of England’? Faversham in the county of Kent was the location for Dash’s latest promotional outing. We were guests of the Dogs Trust at their Fun Day and Dog Show. This time was a bit different however, since the whole family came along! My wife, Sarah (featured in the book) and son, Freddy (unfeatured since still a twinkle back then), both got a taste of what it was like to share the stage with ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’. The turnout was fantastic, considering the weather did its best to put the dampers on the day. At one point, during the judging of the dog show, an almighty downpour forced Dash, me and a hundred or so owners and their pooches to run for shelter. Despite the drenching, spirits were high and we all stood under a nearby marquee for quarter of an hour sharing shaggy dog stories. I have to say this kind of camaraderie has been one of the nicest things about meeting other dog owners. People are so ready to talk about how thankful they are to have rescued a dog in need and how much their dog matters to them. One of the most affecting encounters of the day was with a couple in their sixties who had a handsome young lurcher – a whippet-greyhound cross in fabulous nick. It transpired it was actually their son’s dog. ‘So where’s your son today?’ I asked. ‘Still in bed?’ Their son had died of cancer two months previously. He’d adopted the dog, loved it and then left it to his parents. You could see how attached they were to it, and how much they missed its owner, their son. Dogs can do that kind of thing – and it doesn’t matter what breed or age or temperament. It’s their particular gift to receive love and pass it on. If, by some slim chance, you’re reading this and don’t have a dog, well, you don’t know what you’re missing. I guarantee that rescuing one will make you two or three degrees happier in an instant. The dog you adopt, of course, will love you forever: http://www.dogstrust.org.uk

Friday 5 August 2011

Dash and GRWE


No posts for a while, but that’s because it’s summer … and Dash and I have been getting out and about. In July we were the guests of Greyhound Rescue West of England (GRWE) at two separate events. The first was in the delightful Somerset village of Mark. The second was stretching the definition of ‘west’ a bit, if you ask me, since we were in the village of Stoke Bruerne near Milton Keynes. Both events were ‘fun dog shows’ – fun by name, fund-raising by nature. There were stalls selling all sorts of greyhound-related merchandise, tombolas, lotteries, poo-bag tossing competitions (yuk!), photo competitions, homemade cakes, gourmet BBQ sausages (yum!) and, of course, more greyhounds than you could shake a stick at. Not that a greyhound is interested in sticks, mind you. The main event at each was the judging of the dog show, with categories including ‘Prettiest Bitch’ (Dash was barred from entering in case she lost!), ‘Most Handsome Male’, ‘Dog with the Waggiest Tail’, ‘Best Trick’, ‘Best Irish Brace’, ‘Best (non-Greyhound) Pedigree’ and ‘Dog the Judge Would Most Like to Take Home’. Dash and I even got to judge a few of these categories ourselves (see photo above), as well as dishing out a few rosettes. Much to my surprise, at the Mark show, I ended up choosing a Giant Schnauzer as the dog I’d most like to take home! More important, however, a combined total of more than £2K was raised at the two events. Good for GRWE … and greyt for greyhounds! Our next show is this Sunday (7 August) at the Dogs Trust in Faversham, Kent. Hope to see you there!

Friday 8 July 2011

Great British Greyhound Walk


At the end of June, Dash and I attended the Oxford ‘leg’ of the Great British Greyhound Walk – an event designed to raise awareness of ex-racers and convince potential adopters to take on a pointy dog of their own. The goal was to get 2,011 (as in the year 2011) hounds out nationwide. The final result was a massive 2,279 dogs. I’ll let the pictures do the talking since the hounds did the walking ...

Friday 17 June 2011

Dash Extravaganza!



The first photo of Dash above was taken at the Greyhound Extravaganza in Suffolk by www.amantephotography.com. The colour and quality are wonderful. The hay bales add a rural touch, and nicely match the gold on her coat. It’s just the pose that’s a bit odd, but there’s only Dash to blame for that. It looks like she’s just spotted a hare going past the barn door! To be fair, though, it was an odd day all round. Oxford and Newmarket in Suffolk aren’t close, but we arrived at our destination in just over two hours. This probably had something to do with the shiny new sat-nav stuck to my windscreen. Yup, I’ve finally succumbed. No more crumpled pieces of paper with directions to dog shows in the back of beyond; no more phoning up organizers from a lay-by and, after explaining that we’re going to be late, asking if they could stay on the line while I follow the sound of their voice. Instead, at ten o’clock sharp, Dash and I trotted up to the stand of the event sponsor, www.burgesspetcare.co.uk. (Burgess also sponsored the launch of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’ and we attended the Greyhound Walks Show in Essex as their guests, so Richard Rockett – real name, very nice guy – is fast becoming one of Dash’s pals. That’s him in the second photo above.) The stand itself was right next to the main ring – a prime position. It was also right next to the public address system, so we spent the first half hour shouting into people’s ears as if we were at a nightclub. Fortunately, it was later turned down. Also fortunately, the weather stayed fine and the turnout was good. It was gratifying that plenty of people (and their hounds) came up to say that they’d already read the book. Perhaps I should have offered to buy it back at resell it to someone else at half price?! But it’s not only about ‘shifting units’. I was there to meet and share stories with more greyhound lovers; I also had a perfect view as the different classes were judged in the fun dog show. The ‘fancy dress’ class is the one that always cracks me up. There were some hilarious outfits, including a really good one of a grey-muzzled male as the Red Baron, with flying ace goggles and, best of all, a pair of floppy wings. It was obvious that some owners had spent considerable time and effort in making the costumes, like the spotted flamenco outfit pictured above sported by ‘Kenza’, a Spanish greyhound or ‘galgo’. The oddest part of the day was still to occur however. As the crowd began to thin out, we said our goodbyes and set off for Oxford. Three miles later, the car broke down. A sat-nav can do many things, but it can’t replace dead spark plugs and a blown coil pack! Six hours and two tow-trucks after that, we finally arrived in Oxford. For those of you who know the story in ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’, it wasn’t the first time Dash has seen the inside of a tow-truck! My hope is that it'll be the last …

Thursday 2 June 2011

Camping Dash-style!



What could be better than waking up next to a loved one? Well, I’d be able to tell you if a certain greyhound hadn’t got between me and my wife when we went camping last weekend. Since we don’t have one of those tents with ‘pods’ that keep people and pets in separate sleeping compartments, everyone gets bundled in together. Dash started out on her mat at the foot of the sleeping bag, but by morning was stretched out on top of said bag, and also on top of me. On waking, the view I was treated to was straight up her nostrils (see photo above). The view was accompanied by a handsome blast of dog-breath. At least it masked my own. There’s much to be said for camping, but personal hygiene is certainly put to the test. Still, we spent a fabulous weekend in the New Forest. Half the time I was off in pursuit of Freddy, my eighteen-month-old son; the other half I was trying to keep Dash from snaffling assorted foodstuffs from the BBQ. On one occasion, she managed to nip in when I wasn't looking and bolted down a whole sweetcorn. She then proceeded to bring it up piece by piece over the next two days. Mostly outside, but once in the tent (yellow gloop everywhere!) and once in the hall when we got home. Who says vegetables are good for you? Next weekend we’re away again, but on ‘official promotional duties’ this time. Dash and I are appearing at the RGT Greyhound Extravaganza in Suffolk on Sunday 5 June. We’ll be there all day, so do pop by if you’re in the area. There’s a fun dog show, plenty of stalls and copies of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’ for sale. Each book is signed with a limited edition pawprint sticker. Sweetcorn stains optional.

Friday 20 May 2011

Bristol ‘Best in Show’!




The Fun Dog Show in Bristol was exactly that. Fun. Dash was the VIP guest (in her fancy coat and matching collar) and we opened the event by breaking the good news that I’m now patron of the Bristol Dog Action Welfare Group, or Bristol DAWG for short (http://southwestdawg.wordpress.com/). This is a fantastic organization, dedicated to rescuing and rehoming abandoned greyhounds and lurchers. It was founded in 2009 by Elkie Lonnkvist and has consistently rehomed an average of six dogs per month. The dog show was a fundraiser but also an awareness-raiser of the continued plight of these lovely creatures. I’m pleased to say we met lots of happy, healthy hounds and their devoted owners. Judging proceeded swiftly through the categories of ‘Best Puppy’, ‘Best Pedigree’, ‘Most Handsome Dog’, etc. until it was our turn to select the ‘Best Greyhound or Lurcher’. How to choose from fifteen impressive specimens? Although I’ve met plenty of greyhounds (and lurchers) in the three and a half years that I’ve owned Dash, I still consider myself a greyhound enthusiast rather than an expert. After looking up and down the line of dogs, I made the hounds do a lap of the ring. If it’s good enough for Crufts, I thought. In the end, the selection was made and the rosette awarded (the greyhound at the far right of the group picture). It was only afterwards that one or two of the organizers remarked on the similarity of the winner, at least in colour and markings, to Dash herself! Ah, well, it just goes to prove there’s only one ‘Best in show’ in my life – the ‘Bitch of the Year’ herself.

Friday 6 May 2011

Bitch of the Year becomes Essex girl!


With the promotional season of the book in full swing, Dash and I were in Essex over Easter. More specifically, we were guests at the Greyhound Walks Show near Braintree. Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Essex (I’m thinking of Dash’s foreign fans here), the county has a reputation for brashness, with the Essex girl probably coming off worse than the Essex man. I’m glad to report, however, that fags and fake tan were in short supply – probably because the weather was so scorching! Due to my rubbish navigational skills, we arrived later than expected, but no sooner were we set up on the stand of Burgess Pet Care (which we were sharing), than dogs and owners were queuing up to meet Dash. It was again a surprise and a delight to see how positive people were about the book and what it’s doing for greyhound adoption. Writing is a lonely pastime and getting a book published such a long slog, but having someone say how much it made them howl with laughter or even helped them overcome difficulties with their own greyhounds is a  wonderful thing. What’s also quite nice is selling out of all the books I took with me! The next event we’re due to attend is a Fun Dog Show as part of National Pet Week. Dash and I will be at the Willow Brook Centre in Bradley Stoke, Bristol, from 11.00 this Sunday 8 May. We’re judging the category for ‘Best Greyhound or Lurcher’ and with the Bitch of the Year disqualified from taking part, it’s got to be an open field.

Friday 22 April 2011

Silent radio star!


We’ve now made two radio appearances in connection with ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’. The first was BBC London’s Barking at the Moon – a dedicated doggy programme which woofs its onto the airwaves every Thursday night. Due to the fact that it’s broadcast from central London at a late hour, I had to leave Dash behind. :( Nevertheless, the two presenters – Jo Good and Anna Webb – were delightful – and even read out a couple of extracts during the interview. Listening back when I got home however, I was surprised at how unlike myself I sounded. A bit smug, perhaps even pretentious. Ah, well. Wish I’d had my greyhound sidekick with me – her paws seldom leave the ground. Fortunately, I was able to bring her along when we guested on BBC  Oxford. :) From the moment when Dash charged into reception wearing her red and gold coat, she charmed all before her. The receptionist, a young Irish guy, turned out to be a fan of ex-racers; the producer likewise; and Jo Thoenes (pictured above), the presenter of Jo in the Afternoon, had to suppress the giggles as a long wet nose poked over the desk and dangerously near the mike. At times like this, I wish greyhounds actually made more noise! A bark, a growl or a howl on demand to connect with the listeners. Instead, Dash sniffed and snuffled around the studio before stretching out on her mat. The silent radio star; the greyhound diva. Needless to say, the interview went much better with her in attendance. The next event in the promotional calendar is the Greyhound Walks Show (http://www.greyhoundwalks.co.uk/show.htm) on Easter Day in Essex. Read all about it in the next posting!

Friday 8 April 2011

Dash under the knife



No posting for the last three weeks, but good reasons why not. First, I’ve been away in Russia on a work trip; second and more important, poor Dash has been under the knife. It all started when I took her to the vet’s to get her nails clipped. Those of you who have greys (particularly hounds with black nails) will know it’s easy to nick ‘the quick’ and it can bleed for quite a while. I also took her to the vet since she’d developed a limp in her front right paw and I was curious to know if the overlong nails and the limp were connected. The nurse at the vet’s duly clipped Dash’s nails, but spotted a corn on one of the pads. At least that accounted for the limp. Then she asked me a question: ‘How long has Dash had that lump under her eye?’ ‘What lump?’ I asked. I saw Dash every day, all day. If anyone was going to notice a lump, it would surely be me. Apparently not. Once the nurse had pointed it out, I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Sure enough, there was a lump the size of a marble under the fur of her cheek (see the ‘Before’ photo above). It moved about when you touched it and made me feel a bit squeamish. ‘Better let the vet check it out,’ the nurse advised. He did, and didn’t like the look of it either. So two days later (the day before I was due to go away – what bad timing!), Dash was booked in for an operation to have the lump and the corn removed at the same time. You can see from the ‘After’ photo above that removing the lump left quite a scar. For a week she wore ‘the cone of shame’ (as one Tweeter wittily terms it) and hobbled around in a plastic sock when outside. The good news is that she’s now on the grassy road to recovery. The stitches are out and, while she’ll be left with a pirate scar on her cheek, the lump was thankfully not malignant or cancerous. Phew!! Roo! In the next posting I hope to have more positive news, including an account of Dash’s two recent radio appearances.

Wednesday 16 March 2011

Dash does Crufts

For four days in March, the Birmingham NEC is home to the largest dog show on the planet. If you’ve been following the blog, you’ll know that Dash and I just happened to have a free ticket. I’d expected it might be a difficult day logistically, but the first challenge came sooner than I guessed – getting Dash out of the car park. There were so many puddles, spits, spots and trickles of wee to sample, it was like dragging an alcoholic past a winery. And don’t even mention the number of canine behinds that jogged invitingly in every direction. Eventually, however, we reached our destination and took our place at the stand of Tuffies dog beds (www.tuffies.co.uk) who’d invited us to make a guest appearance. Saturday was ‘Hound and terrier’ day, so I was hopeful that a fair percentage of people would be pleased to see a pretty greyhound in a red and gold coat. It turns out I was right. From the moment when Dash flopped onto one of the dog beds until we took our leave a few hours later, we were never short of company. The fact that it was also Crufts’ 120th anniversary meant that it felt extra-special to be part of it all. We even made it onto the official website with a couple of photos and a lovely little article entitled ‘A greyt read for dog-lovers at dfs Crufts’! As if I didn’t need reminding, it seems greyhounds really do inspire a particular affection and sympathy. With so much attention, Dash, of course, was in doggy heaven. It was also quite a commercial success since we ended up selling one copy of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’ every four minutes! ‘What now?’ I hear you ask. Well, next stop Broadcasting House! I’m due to appear on BBC Radio London’s ‘Barking at the Moon’ with Jo Good and Anna Webb. Tune in tomorrow (Thursday 16 March) from 22.00–24.00 for more Dash-related fun ...

Thursday 10 March 2011

Dash and Bristol DAWG


Last Saturday saw Dash and me heading west. We were the special guests of Bristol-based Dog Action Welfare Group (aka DAWG). The morning began with a mass walk and, with over 120 hounds in attendance, we made a very impressive spectacle. Some of the dogs who’d been brought from kennels for the day had coats advertising their availability, so let’s hope a few would-be adopters were swayed. After the walk, it was back to the local Pets At Home for a reading from ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’. The original plan was to read in the store, but there were so many people (and hounds) in attendance that we blocked the entrance. The only alternative was to give the reading outside. Next stop Wembley Arena! This was followed by signing and selling of books, with Dash adding her much coveted pawprint sticker. As befitted the star of the show, Dash also showed off her customized red and gold coat. For more snaps of the event, go to: http://southwestdawg.wordpress.com/. In terms of how the figures stacked up, over £700 was raised to help greyhounds and lurchers less lucky than Dash. This was topped off when the store presented DAWG with a cheque for a mammoth £5,800 towards the cost of new kennels. All in all, I’d say the day was a ‘greyt’ success. The next event in the calendar promises to be just as exciting – Crufts! On Saturday 12th March (hound and terrier day), we’ll be making a guest appearance with Tuffies dog beds (Hall 5, stand 56) from 10.00–14.00. Hope to see you there!

Wednesday 2 March 2011

Dash splash in Daily Mail!


Someone’s had their picture in the papers, I see. And not just a teeny one either, but a whopping double-page spread! Pages 40–41 of last Friday’s Daily Mail were adorned with a lovely picture of Dash sporting her ring bearer’s collar. There was also a very abridged version of the story itself. For those who missed the print edition, the online version can be seen here: http://bit.ly/eP8aXw. As a direct result, the book raced into the Top 500 Bestseller List on Amazon! It was also – for a short space of time – the Number 1 Bestseller in Amazon’s ‘Dogs’ list. That’s above Cesar Millan and Jan Fennell (the Dog Whisperer and Dog Listener respectively). Can you believe it? Exciting stuff! Dash seems to be taking her newfound stardom in her stride however. You could even be forgiven for thinking her outstretched paw in the above photo is the standard ‘No pictures’ response to paparazzi. So the fun continues … and so does this blog. 'What’s next?', I hear you ask. Well, if you’re in the vicinity of the Pets at Home store in Bradley Stoke, Bristol, on Saturday 5th, you can join Dash on a sponsored walk. All proceeds go to the ‘Dog Action Welfare Group’ (DAWG) and there’s a reading from the book afterwards (by me, not her). Hope to see all hound-lovers there at 10.45 a.m.

Tuesday 22 February 2011

Official launch of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’


So how did it go? Well, rather splendidly. The venue was amazing and the food and drink (kindly provided by Burgess pet care, http://www.burgesspetcare.co.uk/) was both abundant and great quality; there was also a fantastic turnout with close to eighty hot bodies; I read reasonably well; the Q&A went down a storm and we sold almost seventy copies of the book. So what went wrong? Well, Dash wouldn’t stay put (surprise, surprise). After a couple of minutes, she went walkabout in the theatre to greet all her friends. How could she resist? There was her ex-owner, her favourite neighbour, her sitter, her walking pals and a host of other people willing to lavish her with strokes. To tell the truth, I think she was probably on the scrounge for scraps as well. The day before the launch she’d been sick no less than four times in the lounge! This usually happens when she’s scavenged something particularly unsavoury in the street (I try to keep my eye on her, but sometimes she’s too quick). Fortunately, by the time of her star appearance, she seemed back to her old self, if slightly slimmer. The photographer snapped; the audience clapped and were very generous with their praise. Now that we’re finally here and the book is officially launched, I’m wondering if I should stop blogging. Perhaps I’ll give it just one more week …

Friday 18 February 2011

It’s all happening!


This morning, a slim white envelope arrived in the post. The post mark had a crest of two seated dogs in profile, either side of the initials ‘KC’. The address of the sender was shown as Piccadilly, London W1.‘KC’ stands for the ‘Kennel Club’, the UK’s largest organisation dedicated to the health and welfare of dogs. They also host the world-famous dog show, Crufts, and inside the envelope was a special admission ticket for one dog (and handler) to attend this year’s event! So Dash and yours truly will be going to the largest dog show on Earth, with a whopping 160K visitors and who knows how many canines in attendance. She’ll have chance to rub shoulders and sniff the behinds of some of best-looking and fanciest pooches out there. How will she cope with all that attention? She’ll soak it up, I’m sure. Who knows, she may even end up gazing soulfully into the lens of a TV camera or two. All this is courtesy of Tuffies dog beds (www.tuffies.co.uk) who’d like us to make a guest appearance at their stand. More details to follow in a future posting. In the meantime, there’s the small matter of the official launch of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’! Tomorrow evening, upwards of 80 guests are expected at the Unicorn Theatre, Abingdon. The venue has a special resonance since it was the place where my wife Sarah and I got married, and where a certain speedy hound was our ring bearer. Let’s hope she performs as well tomorrow as she did on that amazing wedding day!

Friday 11 February 2011

Every bitch deserves a bed

Just a few days after publication and Dash is already striking a superstar pose. Here she is reclining with a few signed copies of her book. For those not in the know, the funny angle of her paws is because she’s ‘roaching’. This is something all hounds do, but particularly greyhounds, and it involves them lying stretched out on their backs with all four paws in the air. Call it a sign of how supremely laid-back they are as pets. In Dash’s case, the only thing that saves it from being completely brazen is her habit of curling her tail back over her private parts. She’s a lady after all! This position of complete abandonment is also due to the fact that she now has a brand new bed. After two years of hard dozing, her previous one looked, felt and smelt decidedly unsavoury. A spot of internet research revealed a company based in Scotland called ‘Tuffies’ who produce a range of super-comfortable, waterproof and chew-proof beds. Although Dash has taken chunks out of chairs and table before now, she’s never actually chewed her bed. She does have the odd ‘leakage’ however – largely due to laziness. Sometimes it’s just too much trouble to get up and go outside to the toilet. Anyway, thanks to ‘Tuffies’ (www.tuffies.co.uk) the upshot is that she now spends most of the evening warm and dry, roaching happily in the lounge. I plan to take the bed next week and hope she does the same at the official launch of ‘Bitch of the Year’.

Monday 7 February 2011

Publication day!!


Today’s the day – the book is out! The star herself wasted no time getting her nose (and what a nose!) stuck into it. On arrival of my author copies, I held up the cover for her to gauge her likeness. She sniffed; she sniffed again … and then she licked it. A most un-greyhoundlike show of slobbery affection. Or should that be narcissism? So here it is at last. All 300 plus pages of Dash’s story in black and white. I must say it looks exquisite. The ‘official’ launch is on 19th February, so I’ll continue to blog until then. In the meantime, let’s hope initial signs look good and the book flies of the bookshelves (both real and virtual) like an A1 champion out of the trap. Go, Dash, go – Bitch of the Year!!

Wednesday 2 February 2011

Dash does a ‘full Bobby’


Like any dog, Dash regularly shakes when she gets up or goes outside. That loose-limbed, full-body shake which starts from the tip of her nose and ends in the corkscrewing of her tail. After she does it, she always looks slightly stunned. Sometimes, it’s done with such vigour that she turns one of her ear-flaps inside out. It folds back over her head and can stay there for up to ten minutes. This gives her the highly comical appearance of having a ‘comb-over’ hairstyle. There have been some legendary comb-overs in UK culture – Arthur Scargill, Rab C Nesbitt, Robert Robinson – but none to match the ex-England and Man Utd footballer, Bobby Charlton. For this reason, when Dash has one ear folded over, I’ve nicknamed it a ‘semi-Bobby’. Only once before has she ever accomplished a ‘full Bobby’ (i.e. both ears) and it lasted just a few seconds. Before today, that is. Going out to toilet at lunch, she shook herself and both ears magically folded over, staying that way long enough for me to grab the camera and record it for posterity. After I’d stopped laughing, it also made me think. I’d seen similar pictures of greyhounds which had just been rescued, but their ears weren’t folded over – they’d been cut off altogether. The reason for the mutilation is that all greyhounds contain an identifying tattoo in one ear. (If of Irish provenance, there’s a tattoo in both.) Cut off the ears and you conveniently make the dog untraceable, thereby avoiding prosecution. Pretty barbaric stuff. The book I’ve written (now due out next week!) doesn’t overtly tackle such issues, but education about the plight of ex-racing greyhounds is very much at the centre of the whole enterprise. Let’s hope in addition to enjoying a funny and romantic story, readers might appreciate what lovely pets that greyhounds can make and find room in their homes (and hearts) to take one in.

Thursday 20 January 2011

Dash the first-floor thief

You can’t keep a good dog down … or, in this case, downstairs. Dash has always been a ground-floor dog. Particularly in the new house – nice carpets and all that – we didn’t want her going upstairs and rooting round the bedrooms and my office. When we first adopted her, she didn’t even know how to climb the stairs. Accustomed to living life on the flat in kennels, retired racing greyhounds simply never encounter them. Things have changed, however, and it’s becoming harder to maintain the first floor as a ‘dog-free zone’. Only yesterday, Dash crept upstairs, sneaked past my office door and through the open stairgate into the bedroom of my toddler son, Freddy. Freddy himself was away at the childminder’s, so she took advantage of his absence to pilfer his favourite toy (pictured). The first I knew of it was a riot of squeaking and then silence. Bad girl; naughty bitch. Better improve your behaviour or there’ll be no book launch for you next month!

Friday 14 January 2011

It’s official – Dash is now a ‘Supadog’

Dash has taken to standing under the table at mealtimes. She insinuates herself between the human and furniture legs, hoping for the odd dropped morsel. With my one-year-old son Freddy in attendance, dropped morsels are a distinct possibility. She’s choosy however – if it happens to be fruit or veg, forget it. Anything dairy, meaty or fishy disappears immediately. I’ve seen other greyhounds (particularly males) that will eat a little and then wander off, leaving the rest for later. Not Dash. She troughs at top speed until the metal bowl is so clean you could use it as a shaving mirror. When she was first adopted, it was a real struggle to find a brand of food that didn’t trouble her delicate digestion. It took us three months before we discovered something which filled up her front end and didn’t bother her back end, if you know what I mean! This was Supadog Sensitive from Burgess. We then graduated to Supadog Greyhound & Lurcher – specially formulated for ex-racers (high in fish oils for overworked joints; low in protein to reduce anxiety and hyperactivity). The nice thing is that Burgess also donates 20p for every pack sold to greyhound and lurcher rescue charities. If this sounds like an ad, well … it’s definitely an endorsement from a happy customer. And I’m delighted to say that Burgess has now agreed to sponsor the launch of Dash’s book! They’ll be providing wine and nibbles on the night. Hopefully the latter will prove as digestible as Dash’s daily intake … but somewhat tastier!

Thursday 6 January 2011

One month to go till publication!

Fact: dogs don’t like being dressed up. The funny thing about greyhounds, however, is that always wear such a stoical expression if you try it. Here’s a snap of Dash in her tinsel stole and bauble ear-rings. We were taking down the Christmas decorations and I couldn’t resist seeing what she’d look like with a festive makeover. Amused? Hardly. Classy? Maybe. In fact, there’s something of Bet Lynch about her (for those of you who still remember Corrie’s bedecked barmaid). But enough frippery, since we’re now just one month away from publication of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’. 2011 at last. According to the publisher, the orders are already coming in … and we’ve even got our first post-launch event scheduled. DAWG (a Bristol-based greyhound and lurcher rescue organization) has asked us to take part in a sponsored walk and then sign copies of the book. Luckily, I’ve already got Dash to do a pawprint for just such an occasion. I can’t say it was an easy thing to do – it involved experiments with poster paint, an ink pad and – eventually – shoe polish. The kitchen was covered in black smudges, but the resulting print was so good it might make it into the back of the book and a mini version could appear on the spine. Talk about making your mark!